Let's Get Up to Business...class.

It's a terrible title. So sue me.

Things I Learned From Flying Business Class

When my sister changed my flight for me, so I could spend a few extra days with the family I know and love, I was a little worried that the ticket wouldn’t stick. Don’t ask me why, but I have a kind of paranoia about traveling in general. It manifests itself in frightfully illogical ways: thinking that I am on the wrong train, even though I can clearly read the destination and the stops in Japanese and English; thinking I’m driving the wrong way down a one-way street, probably because there are no other cars going my way and the on-coming traffic seems to be glaring at me; thinking that my seat will be given away because they’ve overbooked the flight (they always tell me they won’t do that, but how can you trust them? These are companies that intentionally sell too many seats and then ask paying passengers to inconvenience themselves and step onto another flight at the last minute!).

So when I got to the gate and they called my name over the loud-speaker, I instantly had heart palpitations that would make a cardiologist salivate. I approached the desk and saw on the screen that *gulp* my previously assigned seat was now available to anyone who wanted to upgrade. And I had been so stoked that I could ride in Economy Plus for the first time on an international flight! Dammit.

They issued me a new ticket, and being a brainy chick, I took a look at the number and noticed it was lower than before. About twenty rows lower. I got upgraded to business class. Fo’ free. Woo-hoo!

First, there is the abundance of free cocktails and liquors. I started my journey off with a glass of champagne, already a little homesick for the mimosas my sister made all throughout vacation.

Another thing about flying business class is that you board first which means you don’t have to fight your way down the aisle with all the poor peons savagely hacking their ways through the jungles of jutting-out-into-the-aisles roller-suitcases, set aside by grandmas in their Monterey Bay t-shirts and performance sneakers, as they search for an extra blanket or pillow to keep their toddler grandkids warm for the thirty-five minutes (out of a twelve hour flight) that they’ll spend sitting down in their own seats.

On the other hand, you do get kind of soft and bored while you sip your complimentary champagne and wonder if you look as out of place as you feel, which is very. I didn’t know how to work the tray table, the television (which was on an Arabic setting – have you ever tried to change it back to English from backwards-squiggle-dash? I just hit every button on the screen, on the controller, and after the second glass, on the floor), and for a while, forgot that I knew how to read a menu.

Another thing is the wine. You have a selection, not just of red or white, but of grape and region, and still or sparkling.

Yes, you have a menu. Food is no longer the potential horror story that follows the plight of “the thing that lurked beneath the tin-foil.” It still doesn’t taste particularly like anything, because at 35,000 feet you can’t really taste anything, anyway, but it is recognizable as material that once was food you might see on your plate at home. Which is a huge step forward. 

Did I mention the sake?

Then comes the dessert course on a little tray. No one could tell me what exactly the cheese plate was, but since I was headed to the land of less cheese than is healthy, I went ahead and took a chance. Muenster, something else, and something else.

And brandy. (Or maybe it was whiskey. It was golden, though, that’s for sure.)

After all that eating and enjoying, you settle down in a reclining chair that is not limited to four and a half inches and a gradient of 160 degrees. The footrest moves, the headrest moves, the backrest moves, hell! it all moves into an almost perfectly level bed. It’s like bunking down with fifteen other people you’ve never met before and hopefully never will meet again, since you’ve made more trips to the (conveniently located) loo than the rest of the cabin combined.

Even if you’re in business class as a result of a happy accident and a few other people taking a later flight, it’s nice to know that you can still enjoy the amenities. A few more flights and I’ll be a pro.